Student Body - McKiernan, Darren - Diary
From Darren McKiernan's Journal August 20 Robert and Mary saw me off at the airport today. I wish I could call them "Mom" and "Dad" like regular kids. But they like to think of themselves as "progressive thinkers." Dad's a famous artist. Mom's a big deal poet. We get invited to the White House once in a while. Dad just did a portrait of Cindy Crawford. Mom's doing an introduction to Maya Angelou's next book. Usually, when people realize who my folks are, they just start asking about them and forget they're even talking to me. I'm hoping all that's going to change now that I'm heading off to college. We'll see. September 18 All right! It's taken me a month just to catch my breath. Wintervale's great! Really cool. Some people know who my parents are, but they don't make a big deal out of it. I don't get any special breaks. My teachers expect me to prove myself. A lot of the other students have famous parents, too, so they don't impress easy. In fact, my roommate's the son of a sheik! I'm mostly just taking Liberal Arts courses right now. Trying to see what I want to do. My dad made me sign up for a couple of art classes. To be honest, I've never really been interested in art. Maybe that's why dad and I never talk much. I don't know. November 1 Whoa. Talk about getting your eyes opened. I always steered clear of the art scene because of dad, but now I can see why he's so obsessed with it. I've been taking art classes for six weeks now, and I'm hooked. Our teacher's got us on the web, checking out all the virtual museums and art galleries. I never knew there was so much cool stuff out there! I've even started to draw. February 9 I've been taking art courses for more than three months now. But something happened today that's got me wondering if I'm just wasting my time. Professor Fleisher asked me to stay after class. I'm in Life Drawing 208 with him. He sat me right down and told me to my face that I was wasting my time. That I didn't have any talent. Sure, I could draw. But only about as well as the next person. Worst of all, he made it sound like I was just trying to prove something to my dad. I didn't say anything back to him. I didn't even blink. I just asked him if he was done, then I got up and left. Tonight, while I was in the Ratskellar, I found a friend of mine. His screen name is Leonardo. I don't know his real name. I told him what had happened. He asked how I felt about it. I told him the truth. Kinda numb. A part of me knows that it doesn't matter what this guy says, it's just one person's opinion. But I thought he really liked my work. So Leo asked me to describe some of my drawings and paintings. Then he told me point blank that they sounded like ripoffs of what my dad was doing. I was so mad I shut down my computer without even logging off. February 18 I decided to track down Leonardo today. It wasn't difficult. Surprisingly, he wasn't that ticked off. I told him that I'd taken another look at my work and maybe he was right. We started talking about all these famous actors and writers who'd been told early on that they didn't have any talent. Leo said, "You can listen to what they're telling you and just pack it in, or you can fight. Let 'em knock you down as many times as they want. Just keep getting up and going back for more." We talked about the artists I like. Leo pointed out that they're really nothing like my dad, that I'm not giving myself enough credit. He told me that art is about having a unique vision and being strong enough to share it. That's when I told him about these ideas I have sometimes. Strange images in my head that I've always had but never taken seriously. I'd thought of trying to paint one, but didn't think I was skilled enough yet to actually pull it off. Leo said it didn't matter. He asked me to describe some of the images. I said, sure, why not? What could it hurt? February 23 Five days ago, I told Leonardo about the kinds of pictures I wanted to paint. Tonight, he said he wanted to meet me at the back door of the old library. I got there and Leo was a no show. But I found this note with directions. I followed them and ended up finding a package hidden under a pile of leaves in the woods. I brought it back to my room and opened it after my roommate was asleep. It was a painting of this dark forest coming to life. Just like one of the images I had described to Leo. Its style was incredible. Leo was an artist. He had painted this for me. Weird that he hadn't signed it. I got back on line with him. He said it was my work. I had the vision. He's got the technical side of it down. He can paint well enough. But he doesn't have anything to say. I do. He told me to sign my name to the painting. I'm not sure how I feel about that. February 28 The painting was gone when I got to my room tonight. I was going crazy looking for it, when my roommate and Professor Fleisher from Life Drawing 208 came in. They had the painting. My roommate was ticked at what the professor had said to me, so he'd brought him the painting. Fleisher told me that never in all his days had he gone back on what he'd said to a student. Today was a first. He said the painting was fabulous and he wanted to see more. A lot more. He asked, "Why didn't you sign it? Aren't you proud of this? You should be." He told me to sign it right there in front of him. I did. March 10 It's been about two weeks. Leo and I have done six more paintings. He says that all he's doing is bringing my visions to life, that in a couple of years I'll be doing it myself. The thing is, I can have it all right now. The recognition, a one man show at Wintervale, maybe even my dad's respect. Why wait? I asked Leo why he's doing this for me. He said he likes the idea of being my silent partner. And maybe, when I'm good enough and don't need him anymore, I'll help him. Give him ideas for paintings. Keep sharing my vision. He'll change his style a little, so no one'll put the two of us together. I don't know. It's something to think about. May 11 Four months now. Two showings, three visits from Robert and Mary. My dad's amazed. He says that I always had it in me, I just had to apply myself. My dad and I actually talk now. We stayed up all night one time, just talking. I guess we never had anything in common before. We started with art, then got onto the clubs at school, the girls I'm interested in, and all the stuff he was into before he hooked up with mom. I called him dad the other day, and he didn't mind. Things are looking pretty good. May 30 Leo asked me to do him a favor today. I'm not gonna say what it was. But I didn't much like him asking. When I said I wasn't into it, he threatened to tell everyone--including my dad--who was really painting my pictures. So I did the favor. June 10 He's got me. This Leo, he's got me good. I wish I could figure out who he really is. He's some kind of lurker. I've done a couple more favors for him. Things I'm not proud of. But if I say no, it'll come out that I'm a fake. I know that I can become good on my own. I'm learning. I'm busting my backside to learn. Even so, there are all these paintings out there now that have my name on them. What happens when I don't need Leo any more? Will he let me go? And even when I can paint well on my own, he'll still be able to ruin my reputation. All anyone's going to care about is that I lied. So I have to keep the secret. I have to do what the Lurker says. There's no going back now.